“Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Sic vis pacem, para bellum
“If you want peace, prepare for war”
-Unknown
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero
Seize the day, trust as little as possible in tomorrow.
-Horace
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
-Dave Barry
“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
-Dave Barry
“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
-Dave Barry
“Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.”
-Dave Barry
“All things may corrupt when minds are prone to evil.”
-Ovid
“By faithful study of the nobler arts, our nature’s softened, and more gentle grows.”
-Ovid
“Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.”
-Ovid
“Dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together.”
-Ovid
“If you would marry suitably, marry your equal.”
-Ovid
“Love will enter cloaked in friendship’s name.”
-Ovid
“Tears at times have all the weight of speech.”
-Ovid
“Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.”
-Aesop
“In critical moments even the very powerful have need of the weakest.”
-Aesop
“Injuries may be forgiven, but not forgotten.”
-Aesop
“It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.”
-Aesop
“It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters.”
-Aesop
“Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.”
-Aesop
“Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.”
-Ronald Reagan
“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”
-Ronald Reagan
“Coersion, after all, merely captures man. Freedom captivates him.”
-Ronald Reagan
“Don’t be afraid to see what you see.”
-Ronald Reagan
“Facts are stupid things.”
-Ronald Reagan
“Freedom is one of the deepest and noblest aspirations of the human spirit.”
-Ronald Reagan
“People don’t start wars, governments do.”
-Ronald Reagan
“It’s a job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“Little by little, one travels far.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“The Hobbits are just rustic English people, made small in size because it reflects the generally small reach of their imagination.”
-J. R. R. Tolkien
“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”
-Dave Barry
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
-Dave Barry
“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
-Dave Barry
“A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire.”
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it.”
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld
